With the end of the league stage of the Premier League, we have had enough surprises. The most interesting of these being firstly,the raise of the tail. Yesteryear’s underdogs, Mallaiah’s Bottlewalas and ball-buster Gullychrist’s Dakkhans have made it 3 teams from the South to make it to the semis. Secondly,and even more interesting being the flop show of the defending champions. Ever since they have lifted the coveted trophy many desi/firangi babus and memsahibs have been eying to buy a stake of the team led by game’s biggest sexpot, Shane Horny. We all know who has won the race. With her charm and size-zero skills, Big Sister not only made a plumpy deal but also had a couple of new methods to be practiced with her team.
When asked why she opted only for this team, she said “I have a very strong connection with the desert-land. My mom’s uncle’s neighbour’s cousin’s father-in-law’s brother’s wife’s family is originally from here” !!! least did she know then that her team, the SimplyShitters would be returning home much faster than you and me actually took to decode that sentence of hers.
The team now had stricter schedule and all the players (and their gals), the staff and the skipper had a "must-wake-up" call at 5 A.M. Reason??? Big Sister’s yoga special to stay phit and run phast !! None complained though as they were more focused than they ever have been on the ground to enjoy nature’s amazingly curved creation. Can anyone have a even more hot mentor in a 4-inch top and even smaller shorts. None of us would have come out of the school if we had one though. But I don't think these luscious looks went unnoticed. Common, Sister’s brain is not size-zero, she has chosen the best team!(atleast thought so). But we know all this while Horny must have been more worried about how to get his balls into these black...oops block-holes tonight.
It was a whole different story too on the pitch. She just couldn’t witness her suicide-squad on the field and instead preferred to close her eyes and chant a mantra or two to make the opponents sympathetic. Least did she know that she would have the surprise of her life when she opened her eyes as half of the SimplyShitters were back in the pavilion and Horny was already pumping up to get his balls right in those block-holes(or whichever holes he meant!)
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Post-Retirement Plans
First, he mocks at the big-bad Monkey of cricket, who has been involved in all the shitty things across the planet, including brawls at bars, bunking team practices for the sake of phissing....oops...fishing. And at the same time he cries his ass out for being aptly slapped by Munna Bhai.
Second, he has got the fugliest hair style on the planet. What kind of brainz do such people have if at all they do? Can't they figure out that even after a billion hair-ups and a zillion facials a chimp may look like a cute-chimp at the max.
Third, anyone can see him most of the time over the pool side of his apartments in the IT capital - drunk, topless and swinging his madazz. A request to all the Dads and Moms out there. You now have a better place to entertain your kids than a dead-zoo/circus. Now the million-dollar question is, why is Babli still having this Appam Chu**ya in her team? And why is the media still behind such good-for nothing shit-lickers. Are they in love with him? Please, for heaven's sake, we already have enough of NGC and Discovery.
And finally, why is he in the men's Premier League? He now has two options as post-retirement plans. First the next year's Premier League has RaatSawaris spending lesser cash on the dancing chicks, thanks to the income and fame the team has brought home. Instead we could have him(or her...or both...you decide...I ain't sure) as the substitute. Secondly, the Board would soon be giving a green signal to Women's Premier League and we could have the hot dumb Mischief-boy! Which one? As a chick for next year's Premier League or as the hot-hunk in the near future. You decide!
Second, he has got the fugliest hair style on the planet. What kind of brainz do such people have if at all they do? Can't they figure out that even after a billion hair-ups and a zillion facials a chimp may look like a cute-chimp at the max.
Third, anyone can see him most of the time over the pool side of his apartments in the IT capital - drunk, topless and swinging his madazz. A request to all the Dads and Moms out there. You now have a better place to entertain your kids than a dead-zoo/circus. Now the million-dollar question is, why is Babli still having this Appam Chu**ya in her team? And why is the media still behind such good-for nothing shit-lickers. Are they in love with him? Please, for heaven's sake, we already have enough of NGC and Discovery.
And finally, why is he in the men's Premier League? He now has two options as post-retirement plans. First the next year's Premier League has RaatSawaris spending lesser cash on the dancing chicks, thanks to the income and fame the team has brought home. Instead we could have him(or her...or both...you decide...I ain't sure) as the substitute. Secondly, the Board would soon be giving a green signal to Women's Premier League and we could have the hot dumb Mischief-boy! Which one? As a chick for next year's Premier League or as the hot-hunk in the near future. You decide!
Batsmen for T20 World Cup, Angrezabad
Chubby:
"You have got to reduce your tummy dude!" With the rate that it's growing you don't think Chubby may not be able to see his manly-part as his tummy would be obstructing his line-of-sight. You have seen him diving like a hungry jackal on its prey and take in blinders, and you have also seen him but puts down sitters.For the first case you can thank the rubber cushion he posesses, and in later case he has the same cushion obstructing him to lean forward, which we know is uffffff even to every policeman.
Cool, calm and being the main middle-order stay for the Dakkhan team throughout the Premier League you have seen him pulling off a couple of anti-climaxes. His ripping of Bangla Baba's ass, smashing him for 2o in the final over against RaatSawaris still is fresh in our minds and we all would like to see more of this in the WC. And here's the double dhamaka! He has discovered a bowler in himself. Throwing shit on many top batsmen, which includes 3-times in a row with that hattrick against AslamBhais has made him an all-rounder in the making. Guys, good news is that it seems his mommy is now strictly behind his diet him with N-V. This has been a problem with the Chubby-veggie. He couldn't hit the ball always over the ropes. Repeatedly his timing had been perfect but just not enough power to clear the ropes. Probably he should have done a strength-transfer from the grumpy giant, HighDen who anyways now has some fishing jobs to finish. But seeing how far he could strike the ball in Premier League, we are sure it won't be an issue to set the bowler's balls sailing over the short boundaries in Angrezabad
Naina:
Wasn't he the pick of the desi batsmen this tornament. He equaled the big-kangaroo HighDen both in power, style and runs. And what could be a simpler death-warning than this. Both play for the same team! The EnnadaRaskalas. The bowlers were asking for shit 6 times a minute and a few 24 times a match. Averaging around 50 in T20Is and with Premier League strike-rate of 150, Naina is the jewel of the desi team heading to the WC.
We saw the cameos he could pull off even with the ball. Did you know so many of the playing 11 could bowl? What do you think are we? A batting or a bowling powerhouse? Dhobi's and Buddha's out of form should be compensated by Naina if the Captain wants a competitive score. And boy! Hasn't Naina got the best eye-sight. The one-handed blinder packing Buddha's violent show sent down a shiver down my spine. For a moment I thought he hurt himself, truth was he had hurt the batsman. A batting powerhouse, bowling aide, fielding sensation, he is the ideal man of the moment.
Gautam Buddha:
Looks like the Achcha Bachcha of the team and he infact is most of the times. But his spat with the "one-over-max-lasting" King, "Afraid-i" over last tour of Fakistan (it would be long time since the balls get bouncing in the Holy land, unless one wanna have a deadly-adventure camp) proved even gentlemen can "make-you-eat-shit". We know Buddha as a player who can adapt very quickly to any form of the game. We have seen him sweating the bowler's asses if it's a test match and rip it out in a T20 game.
Looking at his physique, neither you nor me could have expected him to sky-rocket the ball 120m, crash it into the commentry box and break half-a-dozen teeth of good-for-nothing Fakistani commentators who have suspected his ability in international cricket lately. We have seen him lead the Bhootnaths almost the entire Premier League season and it's under his captaincy that the Bhootnaths have qualified to the semis without much daredevilry. He may not be the best leader, but he keeps trying, learning and most importantly doesn't lose hope unlike the Prince.
But why has been he been of form and why is his timing now only a little than Appam Chu**ya are the unanswerable questions? The team needs a crackling start in the WC and he is the key man. Hoping he spends more time in the nets and gets back to his classic business.
Prince of Patiala/Punjab:
The "Prince Of Poooonjab" as once said by Boycott is undoubtably the most eccentric player the team has got after the erstwhile Baadshah of Indian Cricket, Shri Gangu-Dadaji who, very fortunately, has been kicked out of the scene for the survival of cricket in India. RGV would be more than happy to cast the Prince in his repeatedly fatal-proving projects, for this Prince comes in as an alarmingly unpredictable guy (much as most of RGVs characters), he has the capability to push a stranded ship single-handedly to the dock or sink the ship even before it's built.
I hold high respect for this man who has kicked every bowler's ass with the hottest iron rod available across the street. But alas, his capabilities as a deputy to Captain Cool has to be questioned. We would be pleased to know if Prince catches hold of a self proclaimed "locally-world-famous" yoga teacher and practises self-control. For all he lacks is common sense and he can very easily buy that atleast. Poor Babli had so much of faith in him to lead her team, but the Prince wasn't lucky enough to get an imprint of her lips much in the first half of this IPL season. The big difference between the Captain and him is "lack of hope".
One bad over doesn't changes it all and his shitty brain needs to know that. And I feel like ripping his ass apart for all the grumpy faces he makes at his teammates for every boundary scored. It's better he concentrates on his batting and pass on the responsibilty he holds to a more matured and composed man. Teams have started beating his technique off-late. Oh God! Please someone tell him he can strike the ball in all the directions. I don't understand why he sticks to stay-on-the-legside rule, as though he is following lane-discipline. Else there wouldn't be any bowler to get 6 on 6 bullets into his ass this time. His job with the ball raised many eyebrows. Two hat-tricks is not a bloody joke and that's kept the Sardars in the hunt in the Premier League.
Dhobi:
Here comes the washerman of the team. All he was taught by his coaches is to phuck the ball right in its ass everytime, no matter "who-the-bloddy-son-of-a-b" bowler he faces. I really appreciate his mantra right from the starting of his career -- "DHULAAYI". And it has been almost 8 years since he entered the international scene and he still does the dhulaayi as efforlessly and diligently as Shri Gangu-Dadaji gets out. It's sad to see Bhootnaths win without the ass-ripper around. But that's a wise decision keeping in view his fitness for the T20 WC.
He hasn't got very big scores in the shortest version of the game as yet and averages around 25. We all love the witnessing Dhobi banging the opponent's balls out of the park, don't we? Lot has been said by bitchy-faced Cric-Gurus, but time and again he has been proving that he is the undisputable ball-phucker in the world. His off-break could be of help depending upon the pitch conditions, but I don't think with a few part-time bowlers too exceling, his services would be required.
He currently is the old-man amongst Captain's men.....(We are talking of mortals,that's men,that's humans....not the immortal God Little Monster). Him being out of touch for almost the entire Premier League season is a bit concern, but again there's no much technique in him to get back. He has the power, he has the game, an he has his mantra.
Badey Miyan:
Firstly, please someone run to him and tell him he looks like some "Salim-Pheku" with those 10 rupees worth road-side fugly goggles he has. Two things happen when you get fame--One, you feel whatever you do is ishtyle, even if it's flashing your dark-stinking ass in public and Two, you become the clown of the town that every daddy is looking forward to show his child.
Secondly, how sick it is to see a 6foot-something man to bowl below 90kmph. Does he spin? Well he thinks so. Anways that's personal. Truth is he has never failed at the international level, but looking at what he has managed in Premier League till now, we should be concerned. He can smash the balls high and hard, really high and really hard and but the bowlers in disgusting pain. With him around, the team has got the batting powerhouse charging enough till 7-8 wickets.
Sending him anywhere before 5 wickets is like making him a suicide-bomber. We have time and again seen him turning matches around in the last overs and it's best not to experiment at such a crucial stage. And yeah, for all his bowling fans, I will have to agree that everytime he comes he picks up wickets, so could be handy but I won't be watching him bowl!
"You have got to reduce your tummy dude!" With the rate that it's growing you don't think Chubby may not be able to see his manly-part as his tummy would be obstructing his line-of-sight. You have seen him diving like a hungry jackal on its prey and take in blinders, and you have also seen him but puts down sitters.For the first case you can thank the rubber cushion he posesses, and in later case he has the same cushion obstructing him to lean forward, which we know is uffffff even to every policeman.
Cool, calm and being the main middle-order stay for the Dakkhan team throughout the Premier League you have seen him pulling off a couple of anti-climaxes. His ripping of Bangla Baba's ass, smashing him for 2o in the final over against RaatSawaris still is fresh in our minds and we all would like to see more of this in the WC. And here's the double dhamaka! He has discovered a bowler in himself. Throwing shit on many top batsmen, which includes 3-times in a row with that hattrick against AslamBhais has made him an all-rounder in the making. Guys, good news is that it seems his mommy is now strictly behind his diet him with N-V. This has been a problem with the Chubby-veggie. He couldn't hit the ball always over the ropes. Repeatedly his timing had been perfect but just not enough power to clear the ropes. Probably he should have done a strength-transfer from the grumpy giant, HighDen who anyways now has some fishing jobs to finish. But seeing how far he could strike the ball in Premier League, we are sure it won't be an issue to set the bowler's balls sailing over the short boundaries in Angrezabad
Naina:
Wasn't he the pick of the desi batsmen this tornament. He equaled the big-kangaroo HighDen both in power, style and runs. And what could be a simpler death-warning than this. Both play for the same team! The EnnadaRaskalas. The bowlers were asking for shit 6 times a minute and a few 24 times a match. Averaging around 50 in T20Is and with Premier League strike-rate of 150, Naina is the jewel of the desi team heading to the WC.
We saw the cameos he could pull off even with the ball. Did you know so many of the playing 11 could bowl? What do you think are we? A batting or a bowling powerhouse? Dhobi's and Buddha's out of form should be compensated by Naina if the Captain wants a competitive score. And boy! Hasn't Naina got the best eye-sight. The one-handed blinder packing Buddha's violent show sent down a shiver down my spine. For a moment I thought he hurt himself, truth was he had hurt the batsman. A batting powerhouse, bowling aide, fielding sensation, he is the ideal man of the moment.
Gautam Buddha:
Looks like the Achcha Bachcha of the team and he infact is most of the times. But his spat with the "one-over-max-lasting" King, "Afraid-i" over last tour of Fakistan (it would be long time since the balls get bouncing in the Holy land, unless one wanna have a deadly-adventure camp) proved even gentlemen can "make-you-eat-shit". We know Buddha as a player who can adapt very quickly to any form of the game. We have seen him sweating the bowler's asses if it's a test match and rip it out in a T20 game.
Looking at his physique, neither you nor me could have expected him to sky-rocket the ball 120m, crash it into the commentry box and break half-a-dozen teeth of good-for-nothing Fakistani commentators who have suspected his ability in international cricket lately. We have seen him lead the Bhootnaths almost the entire Premier League season and it's under his captaincy that the Bhootnaths have qualified to the semis without much daredevilry. He may not be the best leader, but he keeps trying, learning and most importantly doesn't lose hope unlike the Prince.
But why has been he been of form and why is his timing now only a little than Appam Chu**ya are the unanswerable questions? The team needs a crackling start in the WC and he is the key man. Hoping he spends more time in the nets and gets back to his classic business.
Prince of Patiala/Punjab:
The "Prince Of Poooonjab" as once said by Boycott is undoubtably the most eccentric player the team has got after the erstwhile Baadshah of Indian Cricket, Shri Gangu-Dadaji who, very fortunately, has been kicked out of the scene for the survival of cricket in India. RGV would be more than happy to cast the Prince in his repeatedly fatal-proving projects, for this Prince comes in as an alarmingly unpredictable guy (much as most of RGVs characters), he has the capability to push a stranded ship single-handedly to the dock or sink the ship even before it's built.
I hold high respect for this man who has kicked every bowler's ass with the hottest iron rod available across the street. But alas, his capabilities as a deputy to Captain Cool has to be questioned. We would be pleased to know if Prince catches hold of a self proclaimed "locally-world-famous" yoga teacher and practises self-control. For all he lacks is common sense and he can very easily buy that atleast. Poor Babli had so much of faith in him to lead her team, but the Prince wasn't lucky enough to get an imprint of her lips much in the first half of this IPL season. The big difference between the Captain and him is "lack of hope".
One bad over doesn't changes it all and his shitty brain needs to know that. And I feel like ripping his ass apart for all the grumpy faces he makes at his teammates for every boundary scored. It's better he concentrates on his batting and pass on the responsibilty he holds to a more matured and composed man. Teams have started beating his technique off-late. Oh God! Please someone tell him he can strike the ball in all the directions. I don't understand why he sticks to stay-on-the-legside rule, as though he is following lane-discipline. Else there wouldn't be any bowler to get 6 on 6 bullets into his ass this time. His job with the ball raised many eyebrows. Two hat-tricks is not a bloody joke and that's kept the Sardars in the hunt in the Premier League.
Dhobi:
Here comes the washerman of the team. All he was taught by his coaches is to phuck the ball right in its ass everytime, no matter "who-the-bloddy-son-of-a-b" bowler he faces. I really appreciate his mantra right from the starting of his career -- "DHULAAYI". And it has been almost 8 years since he entered the international scene and he still does the dhulaayi as efforlessly and diligently as Shri Gangu-Dadaji gets out. It's sad to see Bhootnaths win without the ass-ripper around. But that's a wise decision keeping in view his fitness for the T20 WC.
He hasn't got very big scores in the shortest version of the game as yet and averages around 25. We all love the witnessing Dhobi banging the opponent's balls out of the park, don't we? Lot has been said by bitchy-faced Cric-Gurus, but time and again he has been proving that he is the undisputable ball-phucker in the world. His off-break could be of help depending upon the pitch conditions, but I don't think with a few part-time bowlers too exceling, his services would be required.
He currently is the old-man amongst Captain's men.....(We are talking of mortals,that's men,that's humans....not the immortal God Little Monster). Him being out of touch for almost the entire Premier League season is a bit concern, but again there's no much technique in him to get back. He has the power, he has the game, an he has his mantra.
Badey Miyan:
Firstly, please someone run to him and tell him he looks like some "Salim-Pheku" with those 10 rupees worth road-side fugly goggles he has. Two things happen when you get fame--One, you feel whatever you do is ishtyle, even if it's flashing your dark-stinking ass in public and Two, you become the clown of the town that every daddy is looking forward to show his child.
Secondly, how sick it is to see a 6foot-something man to bowl below 90kmph. Does he spin? Well he thinks so. Anways that's personal. Truth is he has never failed at the international level, but looking at what he has managed in Premier League till now, we should be concerned. He can smash the balls high and hard, really high and really hard and but the bowlers in disgusting pain. With him around, the team has got the batting powerhouse charging enough till 7-8 wickets.
Sending him anywhere before 5 wickets is like making him a suicide-bomber. We have time and again seen him turning matches around in the last overs and it's best not to experiment at such a crucial stage. And yeah, for all his bowling fans, I will have to agree that everytime he comes he picks up wickets, so could be handy but I won't be watching him bowl!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Bowlers for T20 World Cup, Angrezaad
Nogyan:
Our country has always produced wristy spinners right from the age when the Calypsos ruled the game. The fresher is Dhakkans Nogyan who has filled up the void left behind medium pace-spinner Jumbo. This would be his first major tournament and he needs to open his bag of tricks if he wanna be on more tours. There are many budding spinners who are eyeing this only-vacant specialist spinner spot and the Premier League has provided the lauch pad for many including EnnadaRaskalas’s surprise package Jakarta, Sardar’s Power-less and Baby.
It's long since we have had a clever full-time spinner in the squad as the order-of-the-day has been part-time bowlers cum biggest-hitting batsmen. He is the only classy bowler Dakkhans possessed and lack of support from much trusted rural import,V Rau has led them riding down-hill. This time the Captain, it seems, has notched up a much better daily schedule to spend time with youth to share some gyan and his favourite disciple has been Nogyan according to sources. We would say the Captain has made the right move this time, unlike last time where he chose an old bald man to do the knowledge-transer and trusted him so much that he handed him the last over in the final. Luckily due to the foolishness of the ass, Mesbah-ful-fuq of Fakistan we won the Championship. Luckily this time around Nogyan has snatched this slot from gully-cricket's 12th man, Rogi, whom even the EnnadaRaskalas are trying to dispose next season.
Bihari Babu:
Only player from the Bottewalas included in the WC. Mallaiah would be surprised to know his team has got atleast one worthy player. He is the most clever bowler the team has. He knows how far and fast he can deliver, has a nice grip on the ball, comes in smoothly and can bang too often! Did you guys see his omni-directional swinger. Oh boy, he does that so often and that's his BrahmAstra. What the phuck was Mallaiah thinking when he dropped him for a few matches? It seems he was seen swinging around with Mallaiah's Mischeif girls and was punished.
I have a question for you guys. Why doesn't he tuck his shirt in? You would hear him say "Abey maaaain kyaaaa Lalllu dikhru kya bey! Issssstylll hain gaaoon kaaa" . He can bat too and his cameos in the Premier League, especially the one against EnnadaRaskalas makes him as team's worthy tail. I don't think the humid Angrezabad conditions would dampen his deadly swingers. We all would like to see him rip the madazzez in his trademark isstyle -- stuble and loosely-left shirt.
Inu Beta:
Don't you guys think Beta's biggest misfortune is to be picked up by RaatSawaris. As there's no tax for one's height he has grown as an electric pole but he has made very little difference for RaatSawaris's miseries. You would agree if I was to say the RaatSawaris did the impossible....shock this electric pole itself. You wouldn't expect to see him bat in the Premier League with a "burning" helmet in every match but that has been the fact. Though he is the little son of the team and has been right on the batsmen's ass all this while, he just ruined his form being in the wrong place in the wrong time of his career. Thanks to his coach Bhooka Naan for all his out-of-the-box experiments with poor little Johns.
A careless owner, madazz coach, luckless captain, oldazz icon wouldn't inspire any soul on the planet to contribute. Having no reliable bowling pair except the tactless Parajitkar, who has lost his last chance to make a comeback to the team added to his woes. It's sad to see his pace, bounce and magic disappear. No fault of his, probably he could to be taken to the rehabilitation centre for regaining his senses, pride and most importantly his mind. Who do you guys think could have survived the madazz phirangi babus' coaching classes. News of he eyeing the Bhootnaths for the next Premier League season is making rounds though.
Father:
The Big Daddy of the team's bowling attack in the 21st century. Alas, his transfer from Bottlewalas to AslamBhais didn't help him nor his team. The worry is his fitness for the WC as he has been seen in the dug-out most of the time. Would he be fit for the WC? Can he bowl with the same killing-spirit? We don't want him to be teaching cricket to some Memsahib most of the time who keeps arguing why a no-ball hasn't made the batsman moving from the crease though his stumps are toppled. Memsahib's textbooks say whenever the wickets are toppled it's out. Memsahib, better go and serve the your Shripati Boonbaniji please. Father was in good business whenever he played in the Premier League though.
We all want the good news,and that's he getting back to the form he was in on the tour of Naya Land where he was the cream of the bowlers. He has been out of action for almost the entire Premier League. Wishing him a speedy recovery to start asskicking in cricket's holy land.
Munna Bhai :
Good to see him play the game nowadays rather than getting involved in monkey-business and slapping good-for-nothing shit-lickers. He has to be praised for playing a major role in AslamBhai's limited success in Premier League. Spin has been the mantra this season and apna Munna Bhai stuck to his line and length beautifully. He may not be the murderer who ends the batmen's stay at the crease but definitely is the front-line soldier who stalls the incoming onslaught.
What's surprisng us is his contribution even with the bat. Has Dennis Khujlee been teaching how to handle the bat to his bowlers in his academy? Fact is, he's currently the only player in his team to have more number of sixes than fours in his account in the Premier League. No matter how he holds his bat and the strange face he has while batting as though there's some frog biting around his crotch, he has been impressive.
But as one said, a Sardar is always a Sardar. Someone has to be right behind the "MunnaBhai of Mumbai" to shut his ass everytime it bosses around. Now that the "monkey-man" has got a clean shave, he better becomes "maa-ki" (Mother India) beta and serves properly.
Chote Miyan:
At last he's bowling faster than Jumbo. I couldn't help myself switching off the TV looking at Jumbo bowl at 105 and Chote Miyan touching 105-110 consistently. It's a big relief to see this immensely talented Gujju regain his rythm from the slump he hit couple of years ago, thanks to Guru Greg. The Aussie can be christened "STINKING ASSHOLE" without any second thoughts.
He came, He saw, He ruined, He left. Finding no job to earn his bread in Australia and having "middle-fingered" by CA, he somehow got the most lucrative job in the nation. the board should have long back asked the municipal corporation to clean the shit out of the team before Guru Greg made it an annoyingly yellow-stinky-pachku-mass. It was not only Chote Miyan's confidence level hitting the Pacific bottom but also the change that one could make in his action from his early days. He had stopped jumping and rather took a longer stride at the crease and thus losing his pace completely.
Leaving the past we all are pleased to have an extra bowler-batsman to exploit the damp pitches of pathetic cricket fans' homeland, England. Don't you guys think we saw a good improvement in his batting technique in the Premier League and he's no more a duck-hunter.
Rajput:
His name reminds us of a majestic Rajput King, thick in a battle, honing his sword with the slightest of efforts? Well, if that's the case move your ass and get a dvd of some "i-dont-care-who-the-phuck" starring royal Bollywood movie of 1970s. We are talking about the best "swinger" the team has currently and he does that without even the slightest of efforts. But suffering with injury, Rajput has off-late stopped RiPping batsman's madazzez for over an year. If you ask me did he ever make a batsman shit in his pants, go and watch him in the last T20 world cup. Even more easier is to watch him play for Dakkhans in the IPL. His reverse-swinging ball while playing AslamBhais, just floated in the air and deceived even the Almighty, Little Monster.
He is fit enough and has got his ass burning and would look to cement his place back in the team. His economy rate of 6.5 in the Premier League and the ass-load of wickets that he has got, we surely have high hopes on this Deadly Charger.
Our country has always produced wristy spinners right from the age when the Calypsos ruled the game. The fresher is Dhakkans Nogyan who has filled up the void left behind medium pace-spinner Jumbo. This would be his first major tournament and he needs to open his bag of tricks if he wanna be on more tours. There are many budding spinners who are eyeing this only-vacant specialist spinner spot and the Premier League has provided the lauch pad for many including EnnadaRaskalas’s surprise package Jakarta, Sardar’s Power-less and Baby.
It's long since we have had a clever full-time spinner in the squad as the order-of-the-day has been part-time bowlers cum biggest-hitting batsmen. He is the only classy bowler Dakkhans possessed and lack of support from much trusted rural import,V Rau has led them riding down-hill. This time the Captain, it seems, has notched up a much better daily schedule to spend time with youth to share some gyan and his favourite disciple has been Nogyan according to sources. We would say the Captain has made the right move this time, unlike last time where he chose an old bald man to do the knowledge-transer and trusted him so much that he handed him the last over in the final. Luckily due to the foolishness of the ass, Mesbah-ful-fuq of Fakistan we won the Championship. Luckily this time around Nogyan has snatched this slot from gully-cricket's 12th man, Rogi, whom even the EnnadaRaskalas are trying to dispose next season.
Bihari Babu:
Only player from the Bottewalas included in the WC. Mallaiah would be surprised to know his team has got atleast one worthy player. He is the most clever bowler the team has. He knows how far and fast he can deliver, has a nice grip on the ball, comes in smoothly and can bang too often! Did you guys see his omni-directional swinger. Oh boy, he does that so often and that's his BrahmAstra. What the phuck was Mallaiah thinking when he dropped him for a few matches? It seems he was seen swinging around with Mallaiah's Mischeif girls and was punished.
I have a question for you guys. Why doesn't he tuck his shirt in? You would hear him say "Abey maaaain kyaaaa Lalllu dikhru kya bey! Issssstylll hain gaaoon kaaa" . He can bat too and his cameos in the Premier League, especially the one against EnnadaRaskalas makes him as team's worthy tail. I don't think the humid Angrezabad conditions would dampen his deadly swingers. We all would like to see him rip the madazzez in his trademark isstyle -- stuble and loosely-left shirt.
Inu Beta:
Don't you guys think Beta's biggest misfortune is to be picked up by RaatSawaris. As there's no tax for one's height he has grown as an electric pole but he has made very little difference for RaatSawaris's miseries. You would agree if I was to say the RaatSawaris did the impossible....shock this electric pole itself. You wouldn't expect to see him bat in the Premier League with a "burning" helmet in every match but that has been the fact. Though he is the little son of the team and has been right on the batsmen's ass all this while, he just ruined his form being in the wrong place in the wrong time of his career. Thanks to his coach Bhooka Naan for all his out-of-the-box experiments with poor little Johns.
A careless owner, madazz coach, luckless captain, oldazz icon wouldn't inspire any soul on the planet to contribute. Having no reliable bowling pair except the tactless Parajitkar, who has lost his last chance to make a comeback to the team added to his woes. It's sad to see his pace, bounce and magic disappear. No fault of his, probably he could to be taken to the rehabilitation centre for regaining his senses, pride and most importantly his mind. Who do you guys think could have survived the madazz phirangi babus' coaching classes. News of he eyeing the Bhootnaths for the next Premier League season is making rounds though.
Father:
The Big Daddy of the team's bowling attack in the 21st century. Alas, his transfer from Bottlewalas to AslamBhais didn't help him nor his team. The worry is his fitness for the WC as he has been seen in the dug-out most of the time. Would he be fit for the WC? Can he bowl with the same killing-spirit? We don't want him to be teaching cricket to some Memsahib most of the time who keeps arguing why a no-ball hasn't made the batsman moving from the crease though his stumps are toppled. Memsahib's textbooks say whenever the wickets are toppled it's out. Memsahib, better go and serve the your Shripati Boonbaniji please. Father was in good business whenever he played in the Premier League though.
We all want the good news,and that's he getting back to the form he was in on the tour of Naya Land where he was the cream of the bowlers. He has been out of action for almost the entire Premier League. Wishing him a speedy recovery to start asskicking in cricket's holy land.
Munna Bhai :
Good to see him play the game nowadays rather than getting involved in monkey-business and slapping good-for-nothing shit-lickers. He has to be praised for playing a major role in AslamBhai's limited success in Premier League. Spin has been the mantra this season and apna Munna Bhai stuck to his line and length beautifully. He may not be the murderer who ends the batmen's stay at the crease but definitely is the front-line soldier who stalls the incoming onslaught.
What's surprisng us is his contribution even with the bat. Has Dennis Khujlee been teaching how to handle the bat to his bowlers in his academy? Fact is, he's currently the only player in his team to have more number of sixes than fours in his account in the Premier League. No matter how he holds his bat and the strange face he has while batting as though there's some frog biting around his crotch, he has been impressive.
But as one said, a Sardar is always a Sardar. Someone has to be right behind the "MunnaBhai of Mumbai" to shut his ass everytime it bosses around. Now that the "monkey-man" has got a clean shave, he better becomes "maa-ki" (Mother India) beta and serves properly.
Chote Miyan:
At last he's bowling faster than Jumbo. I couldn't help myself switching off the TV looking at Jumbo bowl at 105 and Chote Miyan touching 105-110 consistently. It's a big relief to see this immensely talented Gujju regain his rythm from the slump he hit couple of years ago, thanks to Guru Greg. The Aussie can be christened "STINKING ASSHOLE" without any second thoughts.
He came, He saw, He ruined, He left. Finding no job to earn his bread in Australia and having "middle-fingered" by CA, he somehow got the most lucrative job in the nation. the board should have long back asked the municipal corporation to clean the shit out of the team before Guru Greg made it an annoyingly yellow-stinky-pachku-mass. It was not only Chote Miyan's confidence level hitting the Pacific bottom but also the change that one could make in his action from his early days. He had stopped jumping and rather took a longer stride at the crease and thus losing his pace completely.
Leaving the past we all are pleased to have an extra bowler-batsman to exploit the damp pitches of pathetic cricket fans' homeland, England. Don't you guys think we saw a good improvement in his batting technique in the Premier League and he's no more a duck-hunter.
Rajput:
His name reminds us of a majestic Rajput King, thick in a battle, honing his sword with the slightest of efforts? Well, if that's the case move your ass and get a dvd of some "i-dont-care-who-the-phuck" starring royal Bollywood movie of 1970s. We are talking about the best "swinger" the team has currently and he does that without even the slightest of efforts. But suffering with injury, Rajput has off-late stopped RiPping batsman's madazzez for over an year. If you ask me did he ever make a batsman shit in his pants, go and watch him in the last T20 world cup. Even more easier is to watch him play for Dakkhans in the IPL. His reverse-swinging ball while playing AslamBhais, just floated in the air and deceived even the Almighty, Little Monster.
He is fit enough and has got his ass burning and would look to cement his place back in the team. His economy rate of 6.5 in the Premier League and the ass-load of wickets that he has got, we surely have high hopes on this Deadly Charger.
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